My dad died a year ago today (8/21/2019). We had someone watching the house and my dad while we left town to head towards our son’s wedding. On the way to the wedding, we stopped to go backpacking. It wasn’t much of a trip, the trail led us away from a water source and we had to turn around early. We were on the phone constantly with barely any coverage, because after we left, my dad took a turn for the worse. We had some fun anyway. But there was a lot of stress.
The last night on the trail, after everyone else was blissfully sleeping the hike off, I lay awake. I was overwhelmed by the milky way, I was overwhelmed with my dad dying (It was pretty obvious now), and I was overwhelmed by the question “Where are you God?” I wasn’t questioning God. I wasn’t questioning if God was out there. I wasn’t questioning “Why.” I was simply overwhelmed with losing my last parent.
As I lay there feeling quite overwhelmed, this song popped into my head. I only heard the chorus, but I feel like it was God’s direct answer to me. “I Remember” by Lauren Daigle, has now become a favorite song, for sure. Here are the lyrics to the whole song. I think God spoke to me pretty direct with this. I think he does in all kinds of ways to all of us all the time, if we take the time to listen. Here are the lyrics:
I had no idea your dad had passed on. I remember when I lost my mom. I felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. It was like I lost both parents at one time I mourned the loss of both parents at once. I was 17 when my dad passed and for years I lived with the belief that he had just left home. It wasn’t til my divorce from my first husband that I had to face the truth. So when my mom passed it was like losing them both at the same time. I have never been able to cry since.